I simultaneously feel the need to write and feel writer's block coming on. Which is a pretty good explanation of me in general. I am a paradox. I have passionate feelings and great apathy. I am struck by the conviction to speak the truth boldly and the conviction to be loving and non-judgmental. All this and more in the body of a 20-year-old woman.
Like all strong character traits, this can be both a good thing or a bad thing. I easily come off offensive to those who do not know me well. I once heard someone say they had tons of compassion for non-believers and none for believers gone astray. At the time I thought this was harsh but somewhere along the way I became someone with merciful love for non-Christians and only tough love for fellow Christians. I am still not sure whether this is the right way to be or not but I make no apologies because Christ is never seen to be a nursemaid coddling us.
The Gospel may be a real life fairy tale but it is still being written so it's gotta be more than a comforting bedtime story. Cinderella suffered. Snow White worked hard. Rapunzel was isolated. Belle loved an unpleasant person in a foreign environment. Even Westley from The Princess Bride talks about this:
"Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
But it's so hard to remember. We get so disheartened when life isn't a walk in the park. So we binge on Netflix or work out or do something to zone out and get the stress out other than going to our creator.
This isn't anything close to what I was intending to write. But that's one of the reasons I write. It clarifies what I'm confused about and shows me what I've blocked myself from seeing.